Letting in the light.

Life = Your existence fulfilled in everyday situations, living.

Aperture = An opening for light.

-ious (suffix) = full of, or having the qualities of.

Nope, you didn’t go to the wrong blog. This was A Drop in the Bucket. I’ve made a few changes. Welcome to the new and improved version of my blog — Life Aperturious! Yes, I know that’s not a real word. But here’s why the name change happened…

Summer 2013 was among the most influential seasons of my life so far. And I’m sorry to say it, but I looked down on it as something terribly gloomy. Lots of bad things happened. Well, maybe not bad. But they didn’t necessarily feel good. The biggest thing that happened to me was getting engaged to a man I loved with all my heart, only to have our relationship ultimately warp into something I never saw coming. Then… it ended. Badly. And that’s where I got off on the road that brought me to where I’ve been all summer… nowhere. I closed out the world, hated the thought of love, never wanted to see a guy again, and lost my smile. I hid my heart in a dark place inside of me where only anger and pity were permitted to go. That’s a dangerous place to hide things. Really, it’s hard to find anything in the dark.

But something about stargazing, watching the sun set, and singing with a congregation of souls in praise to God seemed to cast a strange light over me that reminded me of something I had been missing. In total honesty, I was not walking with the Lord. I was walking hand-in-hand with my anger and selfishness.

Good news! That ends now.

I’m not sure what influenced me to want to pull my heart from that dark place and allow it back into the brightness of the Lord’s presence. But now that it’s there, I want that light to keep on coming. I’ve felt the pain, cried the tears, raged in anger, and hated myself for it. This feeling sparked into a renewed joy in the Lord and the reassurance that there really is no place I can hide from God. Not even in the darkest places inside of myself where I think I am my own god.

Coming out of a heart-breaking situation and recovering from emotional breakdowns is a new way of looking at the darkness of sin and the human heart. This is now a better relationship with Christ. Pain has its time and place, but through it I’ve learned that it’s most important to open my heart and let myself become continually exposed to the light I was saved to live in. This is why I went through a fiery trial. This is how I recovered. This is living life wide open, drinking in the light. This is life aperturious.

Psalm 18:28
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

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