Disclaimer: Here is where I attempt to vent my pre-nuptial stresses, and how I am working through them. Please do not be offended if something you have said to me ends up here. It’s not against you, it’s against my ever-climbing Cortisol levels (I’m marrying a medical man, I can use big words like that).
So… I’m a bride-to-be. And it’s a lot crazier than I anticipated, even though I’m making the whole wedding ordeal about as simple as I possibly can. But I just can’t shake the feeling that, though I’m frequently told, “It’s your special day,” it really is not.
I’ve decided that my wedding is not mine at all. It belongs to anyone attending it. My marriage, however, is very much so my own (+ my fiance’s).
I arrived at this conclusion when I ran into a few more suggestions than I was comfortable with.
Let your mom do whatever she wants. It’s a special time for her.
You have to do something cute with your hair and makeup. Let’s look on Pinterest.
I know this is a list of everything you want, but are you sure you don’t want [these other forty-two things] as well? You’ll regret it later if you don’t have them.
Don’t include that music, some people will get offended.
Every decision I’ve made for my wedding has not been about me. Maybe I’m just ultra-simple when it comes to wedding expectations, but I really don’t get the point of absolutely needing to have a guestbook or a picture of my dress or pearl earrings or Here Comes the Bride.
I tend to blame it on tradition and old people… but that’s not entirely fair. At all, actually.
See, the more I think about it the more I realize that (and I could be wrong) weddings were never designed for the bride and groom. They were designed for the spectators and witnesses and people involved. Marriage was designed for the bride and groom.
Trying to make the wedding my own is somewhat futile, and it’s no wonder I get so stressed out! Walking around making plans for everyone else thinking it’s for me is downright tiring, and more than a little frustrating.
But marriage, ah, there’s one thing I love preparing for. Every time I sit on the couch with my fiance and do devotions, every time I sacrifice a little me-time for him-time, and any time we simply sit and gab about how excited we are to enter into this marriage, it’s incredible. I love it! It’s not always easy, but I never thought it was going to be.
The point is this: I’m being sorta selfish. Everyone wants me to have a special day, and they want to incorporate all the fancy and fun little details that will make them smile for me and enjoy sharing the day with their friends and family watching me leap into a new life with my husband. That’s great — it belongs to them. I have absolutely no doubt that I am loved and supported.
But somewhere along the way I got a little clutchy. This is MY day. I will do what *I* want.
And here’s what I’ve learned: That makes me miserable. And it accounts for a whole whopping lot of my stress.
So, shifting focus a bit, I’m preparing for marriage. My wedding will be a grand day full of laughter, smiles, and tears… but the reason for all of that is because my dearest friends and family want to make a perfect day. They want to cultivate the beauty and specialness (I think I just made that up) that is beginning of a new marriage.
And you know what? When it’s all said and done, my wedding lasts a couple hours. My marriage… that will last forever. A little stress to share happiness with my friends and family is more than worth it, because it celebrates the fact that I get to spend forever with my very best friend, Seth.
46 days and counting down. :)